10th, 11th and 12th rehearsal

In the last three rehearsals I presented my "continues thoughts" on the piece, see last blog entry.
And started working on the new ideas.

I started going through the order or more the idea of an possible order of the small pieces we have till now.
I also asked them when they would like to start learning the "piece on paper" (first piece), and we decided on after the christmas break, so I will have that ready for my next rehearsal.

Try out 1

We did a try out, of the second piece, (since the first piece will be more of an experiment and which will also not be rehearsed) means we tried going through the whole piece in the order I created in my head.

The try out went pretty well.

Since I couldn´t work with any lights and cameras yet (as I explained it in my last entry), I tried it out quite simple.

In this "run through" I noticed that I don´t like the walking arround of Sarah and Mareike, cause it was really disturbed and also not the sitting of Sarah in the beginning it still had to much of an "story telling" character in a quite borring way.

So I had to think again of the "statement of failure" sequence and what it exactly means to me and what I want to show with it.



Statements of failure

Well, for me those statements are supporting for the piece cause they bring in a certain honesty and also a focus and emphasis on the personal handle of a failure moment, which can make it more personal and relateable.
They bring in a very vulnerable moment for the dancers cause they reveal weakness and that can build a closer relation to the audience, through the possibilty of identification with the dancers.

The reason I wanted them to talk into a camera was on want hand the opportunity of having it personal, the camera as their friend, and the big projection of the face on the backwall, as a feeling of beeing close to it.
But after talking to a professional for technical realisations, I noticed that three cameras, three projections and cabels will be lots of stuff on stage which can totally abstract from the major happening. So I started thinking about another possibilty of how I can stick with the idea of the staments but show it in a different way.

Try out 2

I got the idea of playing a little with this moment of revelation of failure.
Since it is such a vulnerable thing which you don´t spill out to anyone I would like to play with the intimate moment.
The idea is to have the audience as "the friend" I tell my failure moment to. A close friend.
To show this relation I thought of having all three dancers sitting on a chair behind a table (three chairs, three tables, maybe each with a cosy light on it). The tables are directed towards the audience. So the audience is sitting on the other site of the table.Each dancer facing the audience.
I would stick with the light idea, the person who talks switch on the light on the table.

I the next try out I let them sit on chairs (din´t have any tables), and gave them an order of when to start with the statements.
Somebody starts talking (all three are already sitting on the table) and another one just starts talking after a while, the switch on of a light means the person who started before had to stop talking and switch off the light on her table.
So each of them gets to tell their moment of failure and gets interrupted by another one, but continues when she gets to talk again.So the audience has three different storys of failure they get confronted with and which they got shared with.

In the try out we had some really funny moments, cause the storys have been so different from eachother. While one person was talking about failing in riding the bike down some stairs and the other person falling her words with the story of her strong feelings of failing in beeing on time for work. The story fragments where very different from eachother, which made it really interessting.I also gave the task to jump into the story and not have it perfectly planned out before. It can just be feelings, and doesn´t need any filtered order.
That made it quite interesting.

After a while I let Mirjam get up and play the piano in the off (so you couldn´t see her), whe let her light on on her table so that the play on the piano was her statement.
She played the ronda alla turca with the new beginning whenver she made a mistake.
I also let the other two continue talking.
I liked the chaos of storys and the annoying failure of Mirjam on the piano, cause it gave an urgency to the storys. Which I think makes the piano play through emphasising the failure in making it present on stage and not just storywise. In that moment it becomes an issue to the audience, cause they have to hear and deal with the failure of another person.


I like the order of the "statements of failure" in the beginning and than go for the movement sequence, which stands for the try of reaching for the perfect, which comes like and emphasis on what they talked about before.
The talk about failing and following the steady try of avoiding it.And the avoiding of failure gets expression through the movement sequence with the dogma sentences.
Also the follow of the movement sequence of "caught up" movements gets deeper into the problem of the unreachable perfect state.

In the next rehearsals I tried to bring back the idea of having the little movements sequences inbetween the talking. We already tried that out when I was still working with the walking arround with the camera.
But now they had to put those body expressions in a cumulative way into the storys, sitting on the chair, with a table in front ( which they where allowed to leave as well, if that was for the good of expressing their feeling of failure during talking).
Some of the dancers continued talking while their little movements inbetween, and some stopped and than it seemed more like a tic they had. A tic in sence of a unwilling, averse habit.
I liked both a lot. The tic gave me the expression or better the association that their failure, they talked about is also kind of a tic they have. And the continues talk while moving was more like the body expression of what they talked about.
(The movemnts sequences where all really short, since they where more for the sake of a short expression, maybe 4 movements).

We also cleaned the existing movement sequences we already have.

The next steps will be:

1. Fixing the movement sequences at the table " expressions during statements of failure" ( which I´d like to think of themselves, since they tell their own storys, I´d like them to express them also themselves)
2. try out the light idea (light on and of while talking)
3. organize the "caught up" sequence ( I need each of them to present a different character in when and how they get caught up in the movement sequence with the dogma sentences)

My next rehearsal will not be before the 10th of january so I´ll keep you updated on further thoughts during the rehearsal break.

Continues thoughts II

Today I was trying again to get an overview on what I have till now, which material I would like to use and where I want to go further.
I ended up in creating two seperate pieces with the material I´d like to use.


First piece


1. black,
projection on the backwall of follwing text:


" About three weeks ( maybe I´ll allready give it to them before christmas so they really have enought time to auseinandersetzen with it) ago three dancers received a letter with a written choreography in it.
They all received the same order of steps written by me, the choreographer.
Their task was to learn this written sequence by heart. With the special ask of not trying the movement out.
They had to memorize the whole choreography in their head.
Each of them head a little verweis on where on stage they have to start.
The choreography is going to be danced out the first time tonight.
The sequence exists in each of their heads, in however way they interpretated the written choreography.
Enjoy."
( I will probably write it in german though)

The dancers will walk in, walking arround with the papers of the written choreography in their hand to memorize it a last time.
Than tehy will put the sheets by the site, music starts ( I will show them the music piece before, didn´t decided on which yet).
and than they will dance the sequence.


After that I´d like the loudspeaker announement to come up, which I meantioned last time already.
Which could be something like : " This piece failed in beeing perfect".



Second piece


1. black,
projection of Sarah onto the backwall, close up of her face,
tells her "statement of failure" ( story of a failure moment)

2. a little spot of light comes onto Sarah, (projection contiunes)
sitting in the middle of the stage, holding a little camera in her hands,
talking to it, gesturing, and excited, memoryzing


3. out of the black the noise of a piano comes up,
Mirjam sitting at the piano, playing the "ronda alla turca", starting a new whenever she fails,
the audience can just hear her.


4. projection of Mirjams face onto the backwall and slowly a light on the piano lightens up her and the piano,
her camera is placed on the piano.


5. Mareike walks into the room, with her camera in her hands, giving her statement of failure, just her silhouette is seen, cause of the light arround her.
projection onto the backwall of her face. slowly more light, lights up the whole stage.


6. Sarah starts walking too, both Mareike and her are talking, Mirjam still playing the piano.
Sarah and Mareike start to put their little movement sequence,they made themselfs as an expression of the feeling of failure (see last rehearsals), inbetween the talking.


7. camera projections continues itself (in a loop on the backwall, three heads next to eachother).
Sarah and Mareike carry their cameras over to the piano, still talking, Mirjam gives up with the piano play and starts talking about her failure moment too,( which doesn´t have to be the moment she just experienced).
the audience can catch up some words, tehy will know what the talk is about but probably will not get all the storys exactly, which I like since for me it´s more about their facial expressions.


8. all of them stop talking the moment they leave their cameras by themselves on the piano ( like a sign of giving up talking about failure, leaving behind the person they would talk about it). And now start trying to fight the failure.
They gather in the middle and start the "perfect sequence" with the dogma sentences ( I love to..., I love to...), no music, maybe just the sound of the video projections, which still runs in a loop, silently in the background.


9. the sequence leads into the " caught up sequence" , which gets more and more restricted, for the good of showing the failure in fighting the failure, music fades in (hard music, didn´t decide on a song yet)

The reason I like to seperate those two pieces is, cause the first piece can give an impulse on the thought of failure.In this experiment it´s, cause of the given terms already preprogrammed that they will faile somehow in the movement, since tehy never danced the piece before.It´s quite hard to dance a "perfect" piece (perfect in the sence of what the audience would see or accept as a good danced piece), but through the fact that they had a given task, they had the chance to get more into it, to get passionated about it or at least to find their own way with it.They had a certain time to altercate with it.

So this piece is more about creating the actual moment of honest failure on stage, while the other piece more broaches the issue of failure.
The first piece is more of showing a little process of our research, which I think is alreday saying so much.

One doubt I have about my second piece is that can end up beeing way to much.The camers, the projections, the talking, the music.
Maybe the cameras, for now, will just be an aid for the process and can be left behind later on.

In my next rehearsals I like to talk to the dancers about my mentioned ideas. Go through it an see if it´s round or if things don´t end up making any sense. I´d like their views on it too.
I will also teach them a little more of the failure sequence, which till now is about 2 min. long.
Also I will repeat all movement material we have till now, since we missed one rehearsal last week.

My further steps will be, to find a technician I can talk to, about the realization of the cameras and live projections on stage.
And also to start writting the choreography on paper.Which brings me to the point that I have to decide on rather I choreograph a piece in the studio and than write it out or if I also will just create it in my head????


So far.

9. rehearsal

Today I started rehearsals with a short introduction on my thoughts for the video statements.
I had the picture in my head that all three of them would walk arround with their camera in their hand, the camera represents a dirary, friend, themselves. Everybody is tells their statement of failure. At the same time.The walking was free, means if somebody decided to stand or sit inbetween was fine, cause I wanted to give them the feeling of really talking to somebody (like on the phone).

We experimeted a little with it, and the first time it was still having this heavy atmosphere of confession and a sitting circle.
So for the second try I asked them to not necessarily talk about the feelings in a failure moment but to tell a story of a moment they failed, to make it more alife. I also gave the task to try walking with their camera.

That try went much better, I liked that it was more alife and it got much more funny since I was able to hear about some really funny moments and it made it more real, cause they actually had to remember a point of time, which was a good way to make it more real.
Than I asked them, independently from the task before, to improvise to the feeling of a situation they failed.And asked them to set a short sequence (one time 8, or less) .
After that I went back to the first task with the cameras and aske dthem to put both together.Means to talk about their failure moments to the camera and inbetween express it through the short movement sequence.

The video of Mareike from rehearsal 8 is what came out of it ( I had to post it in the last blog since the old "statements of failure" where to long for this blog).


One idea I have is, as I mentioned last time, to porject the faces as a close up to the backwall, for the good of shwoing their behaviour, their expression while confessing or talking about failure, which Iam interested in.It´s not mainly about what they talk but how they say it.
But I don´t know if that wouldn´t be too much. Three big faces on the backwall, Three dancers life on stage, all talking.

After that I contiued teaching them the little "caught up" sequence.




Which for my taste still has to be faster and more restricted in the movement since I want to use it intbetween the piece for a short expression whenever that feeling of "beeing caught up" comes up. I ´ll see if I maybe really keep that open and free to them that they just do it when they really feel like that.The difficulty could be that they may not have that sensibilty while they are on stage.


Another idea I had is that I´d like to underline that this piece is a piece which is failed in beeing a failure piece.I would like to show the antagonism between making a piece about failure, reaching for the perfect and failing in all of it, since I don´t have the ability to be perfect nor to make it just about failing there will be moments were they won´t faile.

So one way to do that I was thinking of making an announcement through loudspeakers : " This piece failed in it´s perfection".
I´d like to put that at the end of the piece since it would anticipate to much in forehand.

Out of another research on youtube I found some videos about "failure" in a comical way.There was a time, I think it started beeing fashioned on TV about 10 years ago, when they started to put whole TV shows on, which were all about showing people failing.It´s called "funniest accidents ever".
An example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wypCGl4YX3Y


It clearly shows (of course exaggerated versions) that the failure of people through it´s excessiveness, is even funny. Though the moment it happend laughter would in the most cases been inappropriate.But if failure is seen by hindsight, than it´s even funny.I like to have also a focus on that site of failure. The funny, light site.

So for the next rehearsals I am planing on continuing working on the "statements of failure".Iam also planning on getting together with a proffessional for questions of realisation of cameras an live projections.

8. rehearsals

Today we started the rehearsal with repeating the learned movement combinations.
They really have to be rehearsed a lot since it is suppose to be the "pefect" part of the piece.So I really want the dancers to put lots of effort in rehearsing so that they can totally stand behind the result.
After that I started working on the "statements of failure" .
So I asked each of them to take notes on the personal feeling of failure.To describe the feelings they have in a moment of failure or to tell a story. I left open how deep they wanted to go into it, since it´s quite a private thing.
Than I told them to spread in the room and start telling me about their thoughts on the asked questions. I decided the starting person and in the middle of her statement I let the next person start her statement and the otherone had to stop. With that system I let each of them tell their storys, with little interruptions but with the task to start again at exactly the point of interruption, so they continued their storys in the end, but all the storys where mixed.

A short example for a better understanding:-):





I think the sitting in the room is not working so well, cause it just gives me to much the impression of a self- help group, maybe through the composition of sitting, and talking one after the other.
But when I saw them sitting there and talking such intimate stuff I felt that is was very intense though and what worked was the basic idea of sharing an intimate moment of fail
ure.

So I had to think about how to give them the chance to have this very honest and intimate moment on stage.

And I noticed what made it really interesting and privat was actually how each of them told their thoughts (you could clearly see who was honest and who made themseves vulnerable), their face was really intersting to me.


So what I tried out next was, that each of them had to tell their story into a camera.


My idea is that I want the audience to share their privacy kind of, but to make it still a private thing and not a "showing of with my story thing".Means I didn´t wanted them to tell the story directly to the audience. More like the audience is having a glimpse on a private moment.
I also wanted this moment to really happen live on stage. So the idea is that each of them is telling their thoughts, feeling to their own intimate failure situations to a camera (as form of dirary) or it could even be seen as a close friend.I don´t want it to have the character of an interview, so I decided that they are holding the camera themselves. And they can move it as they want.

This way they can even do it with the back to the audience
The cameras are connected with cabels to a projector, which projects the picture (manly the face) to a white screen onto the back wall.Since I would like to still have the moment private but still seen closly by the audience.
One example:

I think it´ll be a clear challenge to stay very honest on stage. I don´t want it to be played in anyway at all. I really want them to not learn their story by heart.

For that I´ll ask them to think of a new situation of failure or another angle to it, to make it as honest as possible.


From our first try, I still like that they are talking disrodered, so that it´s more like frazzles of thoughts.One starts her thoughts and the other one interrupting for her own view on it. Three different views, storys. Getting a connection by the disordered composition.



In conclusion, this rehearsal brought in a new aspect of how to continue with the statements of failure.

The aspect of cameras and live projections on a screen.

7. rehearsals

Today I started with refreshing (repeating) the learned sequence ( "perfect sequence" ).
And continued to teach the sequence further on.

After that I started teaching them a little sequence which I call "caught up" sequence.
I choreographed it with the inspiration of the moment of failure, where I am still trying to fight failure to not be exposed. The moment of trying to be perfect.
It´s a little short sequence, sharp in the movements, which I can use as a " fill in " inbetween. Cause it´s an expression of fighting with the failure/ perfect issue.
We also talked about the previous course and came to follwing conclusions:

• I don´t have to use the self played music pieces necessarily ( since the original idea was more for the research for the dancers of the failure feeling

• we talked about the pressure of receiving a perfect state and came back to the thought of Charles Darwin and his evolutionary theory about the "survival of the fittest"

• I also talked with them about my further thoughts during the break and the developement of the "failure" sequence and the projection on a screen.
  And we discovered that it is a really thin line of objectivy the issue of failure through the whole informing about the process and with it revealing the reasons of failure and through it make it a convictable for the outsite.
  So I came to the conclusion that I really want to stick with the issue of perfection/failure in a very subjective, personal and exposing way and find a way of identification for the audience.

In my next rehearsals I will continue cleaning up the movement and make sure the dancers have the sequences ( I was thinking of doing a quick runthrough every beginning of the rehearsal so that they get secure and clean in it).

I will also work on the personal statements and their realization in the piece.

Continues thoughts

So here a little update on what I was working during the fall break.
I was trying to give myself an overview on what I have till now.
I have about seven different elements:

Music piece I

- failure

- ronda alla turca on piano

Music piece II

- failure

- Bach Symphony played all together

Music piece III

- failure

- Improvisation on the drums

Movement sequence on " caught up"

- more for the use of an reaction in

between the piece

Movement sequence on " failure"

- learned by heart from a piece of paper

- no practice


Movement sequence on " perfection"

- plus dogma sentences

- plus failure in the end


Statements on failure

- intimate, private insight


I started playing a little with it and thought of how I could start the piece.

One Idea is:

I start with the statement part.
I clould let each of them stand on stage in a cone of light, (for the atmosphere of revealing something, beeing exposed), let them give their statement to either how they feel personally the moment they faile. Or I could let them give a statement on theier music piece and let them talk about exactly that failing moment.

I ´d like to stick with that idea cause I like the idea of honesty on stage.

Another idea is:

To start with the failure dance sequence.
And also with the idea of making it "honest failure" through using the "paper method"
I mentioned before.
The idea is to have a projection on the backwall of the follwing text:

"About two weeks ago three dancers received a piece of paper with a written choreography. Their task was to learn that choreography by heart, but not to dance it out before now.
They only practiced it in their heads.
Tonight is the first time they actually dance it out."

Than the movement sequence is going to be projected on the screen the same time as the dancers dance it out on stage.
Maybe the dancers could even write down their mistakes after they danced it out. As kind of a life refelection of their failure on stage.
The thing about this version is, that I would not really stick with my original idea.Since this version is clearly playing with the provocation of failure.Primarily the idea with the written choreography was more for the sake of receiving an honest way of failure but not to expose the way of how they fail.
So through let the audience know about the challenge of dancing it the first time on stage, it is not convictable anymore.And the it´s not about the receivement of the perfect state anymore, cause it hasn´t been practiced before.


I also researched a little on other choreographies with the topic of failure to get a wider perspective on it, and found out the following:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgHlAK8perw


Beige (2007)
A choreography by Giulia Mureddu for the dancecompany Krisztina deChâtel.Beige is a piece in which she magnifies the area between success and failure. The three dancers are determined to avoid failure but with this determination their failure actually starts. Will they succeed, or do their attempts to succeed fail already beforehand? Beige is the moment before you dive nothing is yet lost, but neither is anything won.

This choreographer is more dealing with sucess as with perfection. Though I can see a clear connection since they research on the avoiment of failure.
I like a lot that the result is that failure can´t be succeded.
But I think the choreography is to clean to "succeded" for really making the topic an khonest issue also insite the piece.

Something else I found is youtube dance performances and in a way their close connection to failure.
For example, this performance of "I Want to Love You Tender" by Armi & Danny, a successful 1970s duo, was popular on the Internet even before YouTube took off.
What is it about dancing that makes it so recyclable as comedy? Is it cause of it´s failure?
Television comedy that relies on dialogue doesn’t always work very well; if the viewers don’t understand the references to contemporary events the comedy falls flat. With dance performances, however, the viewers’ inability to quite understand the frame of reference of the performance can make it even funnier. For the Internet user, it is often unclear whether a performance was originally meant as serious or as a joke. For example, Gregorius’ Finnish language version of "YMCA" perplexed viewers when it briefly became the most watched clip on Youtube this autumn. Dressed in sports gear, Gregorious and a group of male backing dancers perform a curious choreography. Was this really considered cool in the 1970s Finland? No it wasn’t – the performance was originally meant as a joke. Uncertainty about the intentions of the performers often adds to the fascination of old dance performances.
Their performance seems like a pathetic, failed attempt to copy international fashions. For the contemporary viewer it provides a comforting view of 1970s Finland, seemingly more naive than the self-reflexive present. ( extracts of " What is so comical about old choreography" by Maria Pajala)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kA5GkLM5C7M

With this example I can see that failure and its actuall beauty of it is more often a topic than expected. And mostly not choosen with the intention to pick it out as a central theme. And obviously in the nower world of video publishing used as a means to an end, by now in awareness but in the beginnings also unconcious.


So far till the next rehearsal together with my dancers again.

audio files

So finally all the links for the audio files are working. You can check them out till the 16th of october.

6. rehearsals

Today I started class with the intention on working more on the movement material.
So since we already had a combination which I call “failure combination“ for now, I repeated that one just for memorizing it better.

Than I was working on the three named points on how to make the piece harder for them, so that it becomes honest failing moments on stage.
Those points where:

• I can make it faster in the end of the progress
• use some kind of body restriction
• create a movement sequence on paper

So I started experimenting with the last point today.

I gave them a piece of paper with a written combination on it.
I tried to use as wired movement orders as possible to make it a little harder.
The task was to read it and learn it by heart, but not try it out, just by imagination.
The choreography on the paper was like this:

• fall backwards on your back
• go into a candle, with legs in 2nd position
• come up to standing over your right site
• jump to the front with your arms forwards
• bring your legs with you and turn up to standing
• jump three times in a 4th position changing legs
• land in sitting in 4th position

The dancers got as much time as they need.
Some felt more comfortable as the others. But it definitely was an unusual terrain for all of them.
Then I let them dance out the combination all together, with music and filming.
This is what came out of it:

My results on that are, that their movements turned out a little different on each of them. Means if I would definitely want them to do exactly the same movements I would have to be more specific in how I write down the combination and also write down the pathways for them.
So everybody had their own interpretation on how to accomplish the movement, which I actually liked a lot though.

The nice thing about it was, that I could see clearly that each of them had a clear picture in his mind of what movements they were going to dance. So the written choreography gave them a guideline throughout the choreography.

Other than that, their movements became quite insecure, which I didn´t like so much.
But my question is, if I could eventually solve that problem by giving them more time to learn the piece on paper. For example giving them a very specific, detailed and exact written choreography, almost two weeks before the performance, maybe even more and let them dance out the piece the first time on stage.

I could even imagine them to have a look on the paper on stage, quite briefly before they start dancing it out on stage. I´d like to include the imperfect preparation for that piece.
So idea three of how to make the “failure combination” failing could work, but also puts the dancers in a really sensitive and challenging position. (Which I like though:-)
After that part of the rehearsals I started working on a another thought for the combination.
I got inspired by the thought of using kind of dogmas in the piece.

I like the idea of managing a movement, cause of a strong will, a passion. So what I was thinking of, is to let my dancers say those dogma to themselves why they are dancing. As if they were trying to give strength to themselves and make them able to accomplish the movement better, by assigning a positive and confident sentence to themselves.
Whatever version of how to make the combination harder or failing, I am going to use, I would like to include those sentences.
An example of what I mean.

If they are doing e.g. a handstand in the combination, I would let them say: “ I love the handstand, I love the handstand, ...”
They would probably say it more often than once, since they are suppose to assign to themselves and get better by a better influence of themselves.
An example of that try:

The result of that idea is, that I think it´s working pretty strong. Sarah is even using some other words in between, like “ I love the fish, though it never works” (in another version than in the clip). I think it could use even more confincing speech. Means really using the sentence more often as a matter of adjudicated words.

I liked that they started feeling more free in it and really tried to say those sentences to themselves to make them work better.
Though not all of them felt comfortable with it yet, cause it wasn´t honest for them yet. Means they couldn´t honestly say those sentences to themselves, cause they didn´t like them.
I actually don´t want to make them say it, cause it would be fake.
So maybe I will let each of them choose movement by movement if they either say “ I love..” or “ I hate...” .
With the “ I hate... “ though it´s a different thing, but if they use it in a positive way, it can still give them the power to achieve the movement better and to bring honesty to the light, like e.g. : “ I hate the fish, but I can do it.”

Another thing I noticed, is that the movement became more intense when they failed in them, after you heard, that they loved it. The passion is more emphasised in this idea.
I also added more material to the combination they already learned and taught it to them.
The rehearsals went OK. The dancers got challenged to put themselves out, being vulnerable on “ stage” by using new forms of presenting a piece.

The next rehearsals I will use on continuing on the movement sequence and try out the two other points of how I could make the piece harder to achieve and open for honest failure.
I´d also like to start working on how to include the music pieces in the choreographic work and in the “ statements of failure” thought.

5. Rehearsals

Today we started to record three versions of music pieces.

1. version

A hard music piece played by all of them together.
They rehearsed the piece for a week.
Mareike played the cachon, Mirjam the piano and Sarah the chello.
They got the task to start the piece anew as soon as one of them makes a mistake.
This is the result:

http://lisaoettinghaus.neptune.com/?selectedalbum=lisaoettinghaus421051



I think the music piece is not working so well. I think it´s quite hard to procure honest failure with a recorded version. When I was listining to it I couldn´t feel the hard try and the passion behind the music. I think it would work better and more honest if you actually see the musicans. Cause otherwise you can´t tell if they just didn´t practise enought.

2. version

The turkish march played by Mirjam on the piano.
She rehershed the piece a lot when she started playing the piano when she was younger.
She played the piece without notes. The idea behind that was, that she wanted to be able to play it without. So she had a passion behind that. She really wanted it.
She didn´t got any time to practise before the redording.
She also got the task to start anew when there was a mistake.
This is the result:

http://lisaoettinghaus.neptune.com?selectedalbum=lisaoettinghaus421054

I think that version works. The failing is very obvious.
I allready reviewed that version in my last blog. (see 4th rehershals)


3. version

I asked everybody to improvise on their instrument.
I wanted each of them to do that on his own, alone in a room. I wanted to create an intimate moment where mistakes don´t have so much power, since they are happening in the unseen.
Improvising is a very initimate moment since every note happens out of a feeling. Mistakes are allowed, cause we allow them to ourselves.
Therefore we have to differ between practising by yourself and improvising for yourself with a certain passion or confidence behind it.
Since that was a very personal moment not everybody wanted to share it.
Mareike was open to record it.
This is what came out of it:

http://lisaoettinghaus.neptune.com?selectedalbum=lisaoettinghaus421106

I like this version a lot cause it is a very intimate moment and it communicates through the open space for failure.


An Idea I got out of our recording session was, to use the third version as a come out kind of way
Means that I think the music piece is revealing a persons failure in a passionated thing.
And I just had the picture of a person coming into the room, putting on the music piece or even playing it live and than starts to tell the audience about the moment of failing in it.
It´ll be a direct communication to the audience.
It´s like an outing or even an evaluation of their failure.

I like that idea cause it brings an honesty and a raise of the topic of failure and the own handling of it, to it.
What would happen if each of them would present their moment of failure.
To not "show of " or produce that moment I´d like to have it played recorded not live.
What if they expose that moment. If they would explain their moment of failure, feelings, hates and likes.
I think I would like the moment of talking about the moment on stage. I think it can be really strong.
I like the idea of giving a statement or evidence on a failure moment.
Cause for me failure can be treated like a crime, by myself and also by others, so why not make a statement on it.

For the next rehearsals I like to start working with the first and the second version for the combination and the third version would be more for another part in the piece. I call it " statments of failure part".

4. Rehearsals

Today we had our 4th rehearsal and I started teaching them a dance sequence.



It is quite a hard sequence. A few steps I was just able to explane cause I couldn´t even do them myself.


I wanted to choreograph movements which they really have to practice a lot to get good in it and which are movements which more work out by coincidence than by skill.


Through that sequince I´d like to point out the failure through movement.


But after rehearsing the first part of that choreography I noticed that they really fast will get better and better.


So I have to look for possibilities how I give them a space they fail honestly.


I want them definitely to practice the piece a bit, cause I want them to really have worked hard on it.Cause I think that failing in a passionated thing is more honest. So they need to get passionated about that piece or at least related.


Also I don´t want them to feel humiliated but as humans, imperfect as they naturally are.

So the opportunity of just not let them rehersh the piece that much, drops out.

Another possibility would be to make the piece faster in the end of the process, to challenge them in the performance, or to give them some kind of restriction so that they are not able to move that well.


That idea I got from a picture (or scene) from Le Sacre Du Printemps.
Here we have a dancer who is caught up and restricted in her movements ( wrapped up in clothes arround her body).

But it is an outer factor which comes into the scene.An object, here it is the clothes and also in the scene the action of getting wrapped up, which I am not sure I´d like.

I could also create a movement sequence on paper, which they have to learn by heart and dance it out the first time on stage. The challenge would be to that they really don´t try the dance out before.

Summing up how to continue with the "failure piece":

• I can make it faster in the end of the process
• use some kind of body restriction
• create a movement sequence on paper

Another thing I got out of teaching them the piece is that I like more and more the idea of using somekind of music which is "failing" as well. That would just be an addition to the failing movemnts.
Therefore I could either use the music we will record tomorrow after the concept of the last tried version, where everybody was playing the same very hard music piece they practiced for themselves before. ( see clip in last blog version 1)

Or I could use another version which I recorded last time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClYRH2bsn_w

In this version, Mirjam is playing the turkish march on the Piano without any notes. She had the task to start anew whenever she makes a mistake.

In this version I like a lot, that the music piece is well known and that it has this almost annoying but happy sound. I think it works well with the idea of starting the piece anew every time when there is a mistake.

Cause this version puts the focus on the failure, since she had to start the piece anew as soon as she made a mistake, it´s much more clear what is happening and it also becomes a clearer relation to the audience cause it is annoying that she is failing all the time, and everybody knows how the song would sound right.
When I heard it, I first thought it was pretty funny, then I got really unpacient with her, and after a while I got annoyed by it and even angry and at the and it became sad.
I like how clear this version speaks.

Further thoughts on using the last music piece.

After recording that little music sequence of the turkish march by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, I tried out to combine the "failure sequence" with the "failure music piece".
Watching and listing to two different failure situations made it really strong.

After I put those two failure situations together I also let them dance the sequence with another music, which was very hard and loud beat music. About that music I liked that it almost dub or outplayed the failing movements. It was almost as if something from the outsite was trying to cover the failure.

Todays rehearsals went OK, as fare as we got to start on the movements.

The dancers felt very challenged by the sequence but were also quite sure they could dance it out quite good if they practise enought.

Since they got to learn the sequence with sneakers, they felt challenged to make the movement smoothly, cause they weren´t used to dance in shoes.

That´s it for today.

Next rehearsals we will spent on recording the music pieces.

3. Rehearsals

Today we started the rehershals with the work with our instruments , which was about achieving an action of passion and see the beauty of failure in that.

The idea of using an instrument for showing the close relation of failure and beauty was the thought of the beauty when kids start learning an instruments and their parents adoring every wrong note. They see the beauty in their failing cause they see the passion and of course cause they love their kid.

As planned I gave them a music piece to play.


In Version 1, I gave all of them the same music piece.

I wanted everybody to start from the same starting point, but since they all had different states, in playing their instruments I had to treat them differently.

Mirjam got 5 min. time to practice the piece. Since she has experiences in playing the piano but not the music piece yet.

Sarah didn´t get anytime before, since she is an excellent chello player and since new the music piece allready.

Mareike got a little basic course in how to play the guitar, since she haven´t played it before.And than she got four chords she had to play. So she had the hardest time.

I wanted to not preduce the failure.For that I had to give everybody the chance to get good in the music piece, otherwise the failure would have been fake.The more they practice the more they put themselves into it and the more their failure became honest.

This is what came out of it:



After the first try I noticed that Mareikes situation was the most produced/ fake, since it was clear from the beginning on that she will fail, cause she never played the guitar before.
So we didn´t really had clear conditions of showing real failure.

Also a result of that first try is, that it has to be a much harder music piece and more time for excersing the piece for each of them.

In version 2, I gave each of them a different music piece according to their level in playing their instrument. Cause I wanted to achieve a more fair level where everybody has a perspective to be good in it.

That is what came out of it:



Well, the result of the second version is clearly that it doesn´t work so well.
Since the sound was so bad and wrong anyways cause of the different non matching music pieces, the failure of the individuum didn´t show. Which was the initial thought.

After the second try I decided that for the good of having more equal conditions for everyone I want Mareike to play an instrument in which see has more experience or which she things she could learn in a few weeks.
We decided on the cachon. (drums)

After the instrumental part I asked everybody to answer two questions, which asked about their feelings while failing.

Questions:

1. What does it mean for you to faile and how did it feel?

2. How does it feel like, to reach for the perfect state or result?

_______________________________

Conclusions of the answers the three dancers gave:

1.

• it feels like beeing exposed
• loosing my own face
• becoming honest
• becoming human
• hatred
• empty
• angry with themselves
• trying to give reasons of failure, explanations
• unsatisfaction
• figure out the reason of failure and try to go notional through the correct accomplishment of the action they failed in
• naked and unsecure
• giving up

2.

• pressure
• like in a cage, captured, caught
• not free
• it can never be achieved
• serving something which is not worthy the whole attention
• good cause it gives a goal
• makes alive
• the perfection for me is more to accept the unperfection in me and life itself

For the next rehershals I gave everybody the same music piece, which was new and harder to each of them and the task to practice that piece a lot till next time we´ll meet. I want them to put lots of effort in it and really try to get good.
But they just have a week and the music piece is freaking hard:-)
But still all of them had the chance of beeing able to play the piece well, which was important to me. I didn´t wanted them to have the feeling from beginning on that they will fail eventually

In the next rehershals I will record each of them with a proffessional recorder. Just to have a better idea of how it sounds and if it ends up to be useful.
I could imagine to use that music piece in which failure would be thematized for a dancing part in that piece.

I also came to the conclusion that it is really hard to actually produce honest failure. Cause of the fact that you can´t produce honest passion. I am sure everybody can fail in something without having any passion for that thing. Failing in something we don´t liked doing anyways is not the hard part of failure, but the failure in a thing we´re passionated in is what I am interested in. The failure which is breaking all of peoples security, boast and ego.

The third rehearsal was pretty helpfull for the idea of how to continue.



Meanwhile I was working choreographically on to dance sequences.

1. the failure sequence
2. the borring "perfect" sequence

I decided on having a sequence which is so hard that they end up failing in the demonstration.

It will be a piece which is technically hard and not rehershed till the final achievment.

Another opportunity I was thinking of how to make them fail on stage, is to let them learn a sequence which is written out on a piece of paper and which they have to learn by heart but not dance it out until they get on stag for the first time.

With the second sequence I wanted to demonstrate the boredom of the nice, up, non risky, "perfect" dance. Though I don´t know if I this is necessary to carry the piece where I want it to go. I think I could also achieve that message differently.

So the shedule for next rehershals will also include the teaching of the "failure sequence".

2. rehearsals

In my second rehearsals I asked the dancers to think about an action which they feel passionated about but in which they are not pretty good yet. Means in which they know they would fail to be proffessional in.

By coincidence each of them choosed an instrument they passional would like to be able to play.

Mareike choosed the guitar.
Mirjam choosed the piano.
Sarah choosed the chello.

Mirjam and Sarah though have allready an advanced knowledge about their instruments, but they know they always fail in challenging music pieces.

I asked each of them to bring their instrument for the next rehearsals.
My plan is to give them a music piece choosen by me (which they don´t know yet).They will get 10 min. each to practice and than play the piece all together.
With the exception that Mareike gets a little instruction on how to play the guitar ( to make it fair or more even).

I decided to record that music piece to have an idea of how it sounds to fail.
The idea I got, since they all choosed an instrument, that I like to more create a field of failure, which is not funny in it´s first way in the moment they fail, but which is almost terrible to look at or listen to.



The second rehearsals went pretty well, since each of them got a closer idea of were this piece could go to.
Each of them was excited about the idea of how we can make failure happen in an honest but not played way.Of course we cause the situation of failure to happen, but since I asked for an action were they are passionated about, I have the hope it´ll work.
The funny conclusion of that rehershal is that some of the dancers wanted to practise the music piece at home allready:-)

The reason for recording the music piece the first time they play it, is not only for research in the first way but also I was thinking to use a self made music piece for the choreography.And I´d like it to be connected to the failure topic as much as possible.
I am intersted in the possibillity that this music piece in its first hearing is ugly and maybe unmusical but develope its own beauty in beeing very special.We´ll see!

further thoughts and conclusions

Here are some adapted points of my last blog.

The theroy about "perfectionism" and "failure " I was mentioning in my last blog is seen as a very general and popular knowledge about it. I will see that those still objetive describtions get more subjective for me and the dancers, to not stick with the superficial significations.


To filter my ideas I will come back to each of the ideas and proof their importance for the process.

1. the topic of failure and its relation to following topics:

• beauty


• perfection


• imperfection


• longing


• shame


• revelation


• risk

Since my piece is going to be about the topic of failure I think for now I can focus on the two for me closest connections of the "perfect" and the "imperfect".

Those two are in a dependence to "failure" for me.

2. The object which defines or represents something perfect for my dancers I will keep in research for getting a better and more realistic view on my dancers view on perfection.

3. The picture of how the structure of my thoughts could look like when I am trying to reach a perfect action or a perfect state I think would work;

either as an active object on stage. Means the dancers could add more and more words, arrows and signs to a paper on the backwall after each new experience they make during the choreographie (which would be arranged before)

1. as a research material during the process. Means each of the dancers creates their own mind structures during the process, just for the good of document their own ways of handling failure.


2. goes in one hand with point 2. . Work with their own mind structure for the good of using them to give each of them a specific "character" or more clear view on stage depending on their records.

4. The shoe idea.I decided to really let my dancers dance in shoes for the mentioned reasons. (See post " more thoughts about last rehershals")

5.The idea to let my dancers really go through failure during the process of the piece as well as on stage, so that the piece can be honest and talk for itself.

To realise that idea I have three possibilities where I could use some input of you guys:

1. I can make the choreographie as hard as possible and with not so much rehershals,so that they have to fail
   


2. I can change the choreographie from time to time a bit to make it challenging everytime
   


3. I can make them do something on stage they can honestly say they are actually bad in
   
   
   ...???????

6. Than I also mentioned that I´d like my dancers to actually say something on stage about their own relation to reach for the perfect.Either while they are actually failing (in a choreographie) or in the beginning, but more in form of little extracts of their thoughts. I came to the conclusion to stay with that idea and work with it later on .

More thoughts about last rehearsals

Some thoughts about ideas I got after the first rehearsals.



When I think about perfectionism I have a picture in my head about how my brain is working in that moment of trying not to fail.My brain in the action of trying to reach something impossible. Trying to calculate chances and the steady weighing of the components.
It could look like this:


I´ll see were this idea gets me during the process.

Another thing I was thinking about is, that I want my dancers to dance in shoes.
A shoe represents for me something casual, something everybody has, it is at least in our culture something very self- evident.So as the try of the perfect or the hidding of failure.I believe everybody is trying one of each.Also cause of our society is educating us that way.
So for me a shoe is something which gives a person a first visual connection/ similarity to themselfs.Which I am trying to reach so that the audience is also open to, look for more commonality or, identification.

I was also thinking of how important it is for me that my dancers really go through failure during the process of the piece as well as on stage, so that the piece can be honest and talk for itself.
For that I have to possibilities:

1. I can make the choreographie as hard as possible and with not so much rehershals,so that they have to fail


2. I can change the choreographie from time to time a bit to make it challenging everytime


3. I can make them do something on stage they can honestly say they are actually bad in

Concerning their objects which represent something perfect for them, I had the idea of actually let them say something on stage about their own relation to reach for the perfect.Either while they are actually failing (in a choreographie) or in the beginning, but more in form of little extracts of their thoughts.

Well, so far to my processing the first rehearsals.

And already now I am asking myself if this piece is maybe too much about myself processing my own problems.

Thats´s it for today...

1. Rehearsals

The first rehearsal started with a little introduction about what my piece is going to be about.
For the main topic of failure I wanted to start with the definition of the words "perfect" and "imperfect". Since for me they have a close connection cause they mutually depend on each other.

Perfection:

• perfection is, broadly, a state of completeness and flawlessness. The word "perfection" derives from the Latin "perfectio", and "perfect" — from "perfectus." These expressions in turn come from "perficio" — "to finish", "to bring to an end." "Perfectio(n)" thus literally means "a finishing", and "perfect(us)" — "finished". (Wikipedia)

• 1. which is complete — which contains all the requisite parts;
  2. which is so good that nothing of the kind could be better;
  3. which has attained its purpose

• in Aesthetics the ancient Greeks viewed perfection as a requisite for beauty and high art. The Pythagoreans held that perfection was to be found in the right proportions and in a harmonious arrangement of parts. The idea that beauty and art were characterized by perfection, was subsequently embraced by Plato, who believed that art ought to be "apt, suitable, without deviations" — in short, "perfect." (Wikipedia)

• perfection is also seen as the completion or accomplishment of something, which is not able to be further upgraded.

• it is the pursuit of the ideal conception

I also read some quotes to them to get a better idea of how far "perfect" goes:

• "Perfect the Will, the Mind, Feeling, their corporeal organs and their material tools; be useful to yourselves, to your own ones, and to others; and Happiness, insofar as it exists on this earth, will come of itself."
  Bolesław Prus, The Most General Life Ideals

• There is but one true good for a spiritual being, and this is found in its perfection. Men are slow to see this truth; and yet it is the key to God's providence, and to the mysteries of life. William Ellery Channing, reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895), p. 449.

• It is a union with a Higher Good by love, that alone is endless perfection. The only sufficient object for man must be something that adds to and perfects his nature, to which he must be united in love; somewhat higher than himself, yea, the highest of all, the Father of spirits. That alone completes a spirit and blesses it, — to love Him, the spring of spirits.
  Archbishop Leighton, reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895), p. 449.

• That is the true perfection of man to find out his imperfections.
  Augustine of Hippo, reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895), p. 449.
  
  
• Do not aim for perfection for if perfection is attained then what other goal is there.
  Anonymous (possibly Chinese philosopher)

• Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it.
  Salvador Dalí

• Practice makes perfect but no body is perfect, so why practice?
  movie Ang Tanging Ina Ninyong Lahat character Ina Montecillo.
  
• Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in Wind, Sand and Stars

• Know that even the greatest of men fail, but hard work and determination will earn one perfection.
  Filipino proverb

• Perfect only in her imperfection
  Jon Mclauglin

Together we discoverd following about "the perfect":

• it´ll always bring me dissapointment
• it paralyses me
• new experiences don´t have space
• no relaxation, constant exhaustion
• it is focused on the weakness not on the strength
• doesn´t allow development
• it can destroy all selfconfidence, dry out emotions an isolate you in longer terms
• failure is preassigned, cause of the reach of something unreachable
  
  

I also asked everybody to bring an object which defines or represents perfection for them and then to write down what exactly makes it perfect for them personally.



First Object: Babyshoe
From: Mareike




Her thoughts:





Second Object: pictures of Models
From: Mirjam





Her thoughts:




Third Object: wooden figure
From: Sarah

Her thoughts:

Then we started having a look at the "imperfect".

Herefore I read a little text to them:

The imperfect

learning your whole life to be perfect.Perfect define as the beautiful.The perfection to survive your own imperfection.

What is it about the boredom of the perfect.How can be failure be beautiful?

Is the connection through failure, cause of an identification with each other, more worthed than my own ego?

How can I define beauty for myself and be responible for it.

Letting go of the tension, trying hard.
Why do we chase the beauty?

Don´t we all in end want to see it?Just so that we know everything is fine.Doesn´t it all give us a feeling of something we´re all missing.Why not following the call for something we all want to have and be?

The moment I fail, there will always be people who despise me for that. Failure starts to work as an certification of immaturity, laziness and undiscipline.

Saying no to all the things the world is trying so hard to reach for.

Break it.The beauty of the broken.What is there to be ashamed of.There will always be those who appreciate and those who don´t.Why do we care so much about our credit?

Don´t we perform all the time?

I believe in the beauty of the purity of the human beeing, the pure unhidden me and you.

Failure is just an expression of honesty, pretending to be perfect always fails.be open for the unknown.beauty doesn´t mean perfect.

(lisa)

Together we discovered following about the "imperfect":

• the realisation of the nonexistence of the perfect
• Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes
• failure is the actuall victory

At the end of our first rehershals I came to the conclusion, that the topic of failure is close by the following topics:

• beauty
• perfection
• imperfection
• longing
• shame
• revelation
• risk

A Piece About Failure

Here I am going to comment on my rehershals and post all the material we work on.

You also have room to comment and suggest on everything.

Enjoy the process...